Here in Norway we have a lot of traffic rules. One of the rules for pedestrians is that they should cross the road when the light is green and wait for the cars when it’s red. However, most people have the habit to cross the road while the light is red when they see no cars. Yesterday my brother told me to stop when the red light turned on. I pointed on all the other people who were crossing the road – we were the only one standing. Yet he wanted us to stand.
When the light turned green, I asked him why he stood there when the cars were far away and all the other people were crossing the road. He told me that we should be an example. When everyone else is breaking the rules, why should we follow them? We could be the only ones waiting for the light to turn green, but we will be an example. I asked him how we could be an example – no one will notice. He said that the probablity is bigger that the few who are waiting for the light to turn green will be noticed than the majority who are crossing the road. He added that for him it was even more important to do the right thing, because he was wearing the turban. People will notice that this person with the turban is a Sikh, and Sikhs follow the rules – they are disciplined. I started asking but what if I am going alone? No one will notice me, I am not wearing a turban. Then I
gave it a second thought – people will notice me too, because I belong to a miniority group. If I am doing the right thing, that will somehow affect the reputation of my community.
But is it so important to be an example for everyone else? We continued our discussion, and at one point my brother mentioned that it’s an inner fight to be able to stand and wait. It’s an inner fight to be able to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. It’s an inner fight to follow the rules when everyone else is violating it. It’s an inner fight to stand out. Actually we are training our mind when we manage to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing. We are using our brain – not just following everyone else. You need the same to be in a complete sikhi saroop – you are following something the majority is not following. Guru Nanak Sahib Ji is one beautiful example – he violated many of the established practices in India that everyone followed blindly. He had the strength to stand out.
These small actions were you are using your brain and not following the majority is a strength. You are winning your mind, and when you win your mind, you can win the world – people will notice you; maybe they will reflect upon the path you are following and be inspired to do the same. Man jeete jag jeet.
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Wow. That is absolutely amazing! I was once in a discussion with a very special gentleman from America about this.
But now, after Guru Ji’s Grace, am totally in support of what your brother said/did. We have to set an example to follow the rules, because Guru Ji is always watching. Albeit, that being said, I, in my ego, don’t follow this all the time.
Sometimes even when driving. If there’s a slow driver in front, sometimes try to follow the car, instead of overtaking. It’s Maharaj’s Hukam. However sometimes, I get impatient and overtake.
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I have the same problem – I too become impatient and sometimes violate the rules. His action and his words really made me think.
Wow. I never thought that way – thst someone who is driving slow in front of you is also Wahegurujis hukam. It looks like we are put on a test several times a day. We have so much to learn. We have to see all the aspects of our lives to see what we have to work with – if we are patient at work, that doesn’t mean that we have the quality of patience if we became impatient when crossing the road. Now I am thinking of how biased we are – we look at some situations where we are doing good and say loudly that it’s our quality. We don’t look at all the situations where we fail
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You’re absolutely right. There’s a Shabad which relates to what we’re discussing ‘Sehje Jaage, Sehje Sovai (Be in peace when awake, and be in peace when sleeping). We just have to be careful about what it is that’s making us impatient. Whether it’s running to catch public transport, or being patient with family, we have to be ‘tyaar bar tyaar’ (ready upon ready).
And you’re right..We tend to ignore those situations that we’ve failed in. For me, it’s because I don’t want to confront the mistake by apologising to the person experiencing the effects of the mistake. It’s so hard, and despite knowing it’ll be soo much better after apologising, there’s still that hesitation. Probably just my ego haha.
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Yes, true, when we find the “cause”, the problem becomes concrete and it’s easier to work with it!
I can understand that. I have been in the same situations too. We get so attached to our own doings that it’s to difficult that one action was a mistake
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You’re absolutely right. You know what you need to improve and if Guru Ji blesses you, you can try to find a solution to the problem.
Hanji. It is very difficult to realise the mistake and how to apologise for our own doings.
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🙂
I experienced a situation yesterday btw! I made a mistake – talked in an angry voice and accused the other to talk angrily with me. I blamed the other one to start everything. The other person went away, and I got some time for myself. Thought back with a cold mind – what happened actually? Who’s fault was this? I realised it was mine, and then I got reminded of this conversation we were having and apologised. I told the other person that when I gave it a second thought about what had happened and I understood it was my fault. It worked magically!
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Vaheguru.
That’s some great introspection there Bhenji. It’s really strange, just yesterday I was talking to a Gyaniji who Guru Ji blessed me to meet in Denmark, and he spoke about something soo amazing.
The Panj Pyare teach us about the 5 vices – Their names counter the 5 vices
Kaam (lust) – Daya Singh – One needs Kaam to survive in daily life but with a blessing of control. You have to have Daya to make sure your actions reflect gentleness, and softness. Having no Daya leads to loss of control and Kaam can take over your mind.
Krodh (anger) – Dharam Singh – One needs Anger too in daily life. Not for yourself, but to uphold righteousness (Dharam) – If you are in Dharam (path of life), your Anger will not blow and you will be blessed by Guru with a degree of ‘control’.
Lobh (Greed) – Himmat Singh – A Bhai Sahib once said (this may be in Gurbani too), that a greedy person cannot get to Vaheguru Ji. You need Himmat to ‘control’ this greed and develop a level of contentment, because it’s definitely not easy.
Moh (attachment) – Mohkam Singh – notice how Mohkam has ‘Moh’ in it. Mohkam is often related to determination. Attachment can also become a big issue in our lives. So you need determination to make sure you strike through and detach yourself like the lotus flower on the muddy water.
Hankaar (ego) – Sahib Singh – Sahib – victory. Hankaar is a huge, huge challenge. But again, you still need to tweak it so that inside you are so low/humble that nothing affects you. You need to have Hankaar that Guru Ji is our Guru – otherwise people will walk all over you. Does this make sense? Never engage in your personal ego, but when you need to use ego for your family/friends, you use it (whilst being completely detached from it yourself). Ego is your slave; instead of you being the slave. You are then victorious.
Pretty cool right?? I’d never heard of this before. it blew my mind!
I admire your ability to apologise to the person! Well done Bhenji :).
Gurbani says ‘Where there is forgiveness, there You are there also’, so whenever we apologise, Vaheguru Ji is there.
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This was really beautiful 🙂 Thank you for sharing! I have never thought that way before.
I didn’t understand that you need to have hankaar that Guru Ji is our Guru – will you describe any further?
🙂
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No need for thanks Ji :).
My interpretation may not be correct, but for example, if someone comes and says my religion is better and you should convert to my religion or if they say, you believe that all religions are equal so why don’t you take on my religion? And assume that this is in a moment where not answering has consequences, you’re not going to let the comment slide. You’ll be using your ego to say hang on, to yours, your religion is beautiful, to me, mine is beautiful (Guru Gobind Singh said this when asked by the Moghul emperor about Islam). You’re not going to back down and say, you’re right, all religions are equal, and I’ll convert to yours. You’re going to use your Love for Guru Ji to defend the Blessing you have received from Guru Ji to be a part of Sikhi….if all that makes sense 😛
Another example is anger. For example, if somebody starts cussing Guru Nanak Dev Ji Maharaj, you’re not going to just sit there and take it. You’re going to, with Guru Ji’s Grace, say something to that person. If you have no ego, then you’re not really in a position to stand up for your Guru, for Sikhi. Does that sort of make sense?
You’re using anger to defend the ‘allegation’ or ‘cussing’ of Guru Ji.
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I read Tony’s Thought this morning on Facebook. He wrote about what you are saying – that there are different forms of ego, some are negative, others are positive.
Stubbornness and superiority-complex are examples on the negative side, and things like self-respect and esteem are on the positive side. So maybe the word I was looking for, was just a positive side of ego? 🙂
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Hmm I haven’t thought that way before.. interesting thought!
I am just wondering is this ego? Or does this have some other name?
I will try to explain my thoughts. Like I feel our Gurus have promoted to be humble, but yet we should be confident – confident about our faith and confident to do the right thing. Maybe this can be called confidence or trust? When I read Gurbani, I feel there are a lot of shabads condemning the ego – but again, that’s how I interpret Gurbani and I know I make a lot of mistakes in that field.
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